


New me, better me

by Blacknwhitewings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Implied Relationships, Introspective Castiel, M/M, Poetry, Prose Poem, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 19:35:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13841562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blacknwhitewings/pseuds/Blacknwhitewings
Summary: Castiel is thinking about how much he changed because of *him*





	New me, better me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ookomix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ookomix/gifts).



> Here's a bit of prose poetry. I didn't set a moment to place it so place it whenever you'd like to see it, really.  
> Enjoy!

I remember. I remember everything from the creation of this world, and I will witness its end if I do not meet my demise first. I saw how the fish struggled to leave water, and how the dinosaurs ran for their lives while massive fireballs were raining above their heads. It was a sad day. A sad year. I saw wars and destruction. I saw love and creation. I saw this planet evolve on its own like a child slowly learning to walk, and talk, and run and write. And it is still learning. Always learning.

Today is different, though. For I always feared for the Humans, my favorite race, the one so dear to my father and so unlike us for their heart beats so strongly and their soul is so powerful. But now I fear more. I betrayed my kind many times, never truly fitted among the ones I call brothers and sisters and always chose sides against them. We have no soul.

We are nothing compared to the mortals of this planet, pawns destined to keep balance for _their_ well-being. A path many of my brethren has forgotten as Lucifer forgot before them. But I did not. I stood fighting the currents, the roaring streams of corruption and perdition. And I found him. The one I have searched for so long.

 

He was here, glorious and furious. So full of rage he had made Destiny shiver in its palace of emptiness. Beautiful in his mortality. And I took on my duty, protected him against foes of immeasurable power. Protected him against himself. I failed and succeeded. I died and rose again. All for him. I gave my everything without daring laying a hand on him. Humans are so fragile. One day he will grow old and die, or even die before that, battling for his precious world and his ever more precious family. And that day I will lose everything. What will be my purpose then? I have no answer for that. My Father left us without a clue about what to do and I am not sure He Himself knows how to mend an angelic broken heart.

Feelings are unnerving. They rush into me who was not designed to feel. Only to kneel and obey. I broke my chains, my leash. I took a road never taken, at his side. And I do not know how to cope. Panic, fear, worry… tenderness. It flows into my grace and I can brush the human condition. It leaves me scarred and whole. I try not to think, only to act. I try not to imagine what will be of me, a broken angel. A failed angel. He gives me purpose, and every rejection strengthens my desires to approaches the human understanding, to change to comprehend what angels do wrong. How they wandered so far away from their mission.

 

I turn my head from the window I contemplated for so long. Slowly, sounds of the world come back to me as I return back from my deep thoughts. I hear their laughter and genuine happiness. Today they saved a girl from a werewolf. That is what they do. Pure kindness. And they are glad and it fills me with joy. The car radio spurts music I do not understand but which is so understandable to them. Sam looks at me and I give back his glance before he turns his gaze again toward the road in front of him. He who fought the Devil inside of him and won. How brave they are. And Dean. Dean. The voice calling my name from Hell. The Sun burning away the strings of my enslavement. I do not fight what has become of me. He changed me, and I will stay so until my demise. I think, however strange it can sound, that I am truly and deeply in love with him...

 

From those fish in the endless sea of times beginning, the humans have well grown indeed.


End file.
